If you are like me strong willed go getter and knowing what you want you have either stopped at one point of your life for a moment and reflected, found yourself in a place that sounds look familiar and you know you were there before, it was either a good experience or a bad/ negative experience and for me most often than not it was the excited moments I recall then I ponder on Why is things so different now? Why have those people moved on? Why are have we lost contact? Fact of the matter is those relationships had to be dissolved because it just wasn’t serving me anymore I became exhausted just wanting to be noticed by these people, you could say I was co-dependent not so much on them but the feeling I got when I was in there presence almost like an addiction, you just can’t seem to get enough. Rereading chapters in my life are a good way of me accepting my decision then and appreciating what I have right now, thankful for the lessons also grateful for what I have now.
I am all over the place this morning, but bare with me we are getting somewhere, I have also found myself at the stage where I needed to CLOSE some chapters to move on, yes at times I feel why should I be the one who always makes the right choices and right decisions? Why? Why ? Why? It has always been me to walk away from a destructive relationship, I have always been the one setting boundaries and standing up for what I believe in, Why can’t it be the other person to do that? I soon realized that it’s never been about them it’s always been about my journey, what I am willing to do to have a balanced, drama free life, the moment I decide to walkaway I feel an inner strength rising up within me and I am feel so strong and I know I am not alone for God will help me get through, although I really dislike closing chapters and no matter how daunting it is I always find myself standing up for ME, and that at times requires of me to take bold steps and immense courage. I have an attitude of gratitude towards the people I have since lost and are no longer in my life because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have learnt so many awesome qualities about myself, so I am thankful because I have learnt what not to tolerate and how wonderful I actually am(with much humility and modesty I say this J)
Now we are moving onto opening new chapters, starting over, a new beginning this a scary part for me, because I felt so comfortable in the other two because I either knew what has happened and thus knowing what will happen as it has all been so predictable. When I get to starting over I feel a sense of scaredness and a sense of excitedness at the same time. Can the UNKNOWN be so exciting, yes because you know in your heart of hearts it will be good because God is with you and He only has good things in store for you/me. I am no better than the others left behind no I am not, I do however know my value, what I am worth and I wont compromise of those, even though I have made many mistakes I do learn from them, many times I have found myself regretting stupid decisions / choices I have made because of impulsiveness and someone always got hurt, when you allow yourself to grow and constantly evolved the things of your past no matter how familiar or enticing it may look, those things have as much control over you as you allow them to…
Lessons learnt in the above 3 areas
1. Reflections are great if you take the good from past experiences and don’t allow yourself to get stuck there, the objective is to accept things and move forward
2. Closing chapters no matter how daunting and hurtful they are, remember day by day it gets easier, you can’t move forward if you are still looking back… Intentions for moving on is for a better future/better relationship /better choices to be made
3. Starting over isn’t easy but it is so possible and know that you are worth looking forward and as you may find yourself crying, know that those tears are healing waters and don’t forget put a smile on your face while crying, because the best is yet to come…
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