Expressions of Myself

Yesterday we had our Spring Queen, it was the first one after 17 years, the whole event was planned 3 weeks prior and although there were many hick ups in the end everything came together, we hardly ever see our BIG Boss and for me it was awesome to spend a view brief moments with him. I was just reminded of the acronym for TEAM (TOGETHER, EVRYONE, ACHIEVES, MORE) the whole event wouldn’t been possible if everyone didn’t work together, the small little bits that one or many contributed made a huge impact. Beauty pageants make us uncomfortable because it is very much of the outward appearance and yesterday I saw how God restored SELF CONFIDENCE in our ladies that took part of the whole show, I was one of them and it was AMAZING. I was reminded of the Spirit of UBUNTU “I am because WE ARE”, we encouraged each other, our smiles were contagious and there was just so much love going around, I felt a part of a big family the RW Design Family. I saw people putting themselves(EGO)away for the ...

I believe everything happens for a reason we must just be awake in the moment to appreciate it all, these last two weeks random things happen, excuse my lack of ignorance if the word random is too common, let me say extraordinary moments has happened and I obliged. Last week I wrote a blog on you have a VOICE and moments later I find myself in a secret group on Facebook called Abuse No more, I didn’t question it I just went with the flow wondering what God is up to… Yesterday I met a lady by the name Zanele, who works for an NPO, she volunteers there and she asked me some hard questions, that left me somewhat startled but led me to find answers for myself. Today I popped into the Central Library wanting reserve a book that Zanele recommended Steven Covey’s 8 th Habit, I went to the Library with the intention to reserve the book because the lady I spoke to before I made my way to the Library said they didn’t have it in, but they did. Before I could find that out, I bumped into another...

My Mother Babsie & my late brother Vernon Today my dear brother Vernon Marques Mouton has passed on 8 years, he leaves behind a son who is the picture of him in everything that he does and participate in. This time of the year I know my Mom is a bundle of emotions, so is my sister and my baby brother but in the busy-ness of all our lives I felt the need today to acknowledge my brother Vernon . He had this passion for singing, he even entered in Idols SA one year and went as far as the auditions, at that time I thought WOW he has courage but also such immense belief in his ability to sing and compete among so many. Vernon I miss you and I miss the fact that I couldn't say goodbye properly but I WANT TO TELL YOU TODAY, that your son is your gift to us. Every moment I get to spend with him is like you are with me there, Ashton and I we have this thing where he can speak to me in whichever way he wants but remain his respect for me, Ashton has become a part of our family and my gir...

I try to reach out for you but I fall Sometimes you seem so close and yet so far Oh I need another chance I need to know your mercy Just give me the strength to change within I know that I am not all that I can be My weakness seems to get the best of me But as long as you are here I know that I will make it Every step along the way Please hear my prayer Refrain A heart like yours, is my desire A heart like yours, is what I am searching for Full of compassion, nothing wrong within Please hear me Lord, give me a heart like yours So much grace, so much kindness So much faith, for ever true  Strong as the wind, soft as the shadows If just once, I could be like you Refrain A heart like yours, is my desire  A heart like yours, is what I am searching for Full of compassion, nothing wrong within Please hear me Lord, give me a heart like yours Please hear me Lord, give me a heart like yours (2x) The above song touched me so much in Church yesterday, two of the ladies in our worship tea...

Today its National Woman’s Day in South Africa, a day we as women get acknowledged by others for our strength, perseverance, forbearance, longsuffering and there a lot of qualities that I can write here. On this day there are marches taking place, some are doing a Big walk all uniting in the UBUNTU (I am because we are) as I am writing this a close friend of mine suggested   that I listen to a song by Barbra Streisand it’s called “Woman in Love” , in the song she describes herself as in giving much of herself and pouring her soul into her relationship. I was curious why he chose that song for me to listen to , and it is simple really because I can resonate, giving much of myself to others and today he took time to acknowledge that character quality of mine. I am much appreciative of   that, afterall its woman’s day. There are many like myself who gets acknowledgement from others very easily yet we long for the people that are in our immediate surroundings to do so ...

Do you always avail yourself for others? I do! You know that moment when you set out a specific time for someone and you got so used to that person meeting you at that time and these days its when you get used to chatting with someone on Whatsapp, Facebook chat, BBM or whatever social network site you are into. The disappointment remains the same when that person doesn't meet with you any longer, it hurts because you gotten yourself used to that. I have recently had that experience it was a comfort zone I got myself into. When that person was now all of a sudden busy and no longer had time for me I felt abandoned, I felt rejected to an extent. I was suffering in silence as it were… It dawned on me even though I made it a priority to chat with this person I devalued my sense of time, my time didn't mean much to me because I availed myself no matter what I was busy with, I would answer every text in the fastest way possible and of course I projected that onto that person and was ...

Question: What have you allowed in your life to bring you down to a level that you actually feel less of yourself? What have you allowed to dictate your behavior in such a way that you feel as if you just exist? I have allowed the opinions of others to matter most in my life and in turn it has actually silenced my own voice, I worked so hard at pleasing others because I didn't want any drama and in the end I was the one who got hurt, I would spend days crying and wrestling with myself knowing I was not happy but I put others happiness first, I wasn't worried about me. Unbeknownst to me I set a standard that I followed to my detriment, I became sick, my chest packed up and it was as if God said “STOP!” At that point I had to decide to put myself first, it was difficult. It became a daily choice of mine to do things for myself for example taking that long bath and just cutting everything and everyone off, I even started switching my phone off just for 1 hour at a time, so that I ...

In life I  have found we have many turning points that challenges the very core my being and we must make decisions and choices that will be for the better of ourselves, I have been hurt many times and I have been in a dark space for about 3 weeks and it was as if I was just existing holding onto the routines of life because that helped me keep my sanity, I have been in a place where I see what is happening in my life and when I shared that with others it almost felt like I was not being heard, like I was lying and yet it was my reality at that time, mine alone and yes many shed light but the only way they would actually know the extent of my hurt and pain is, if they had endured what I have, I reached a turning point where I decided to rather tell my story for God’s glory because in these dark moments I found my Savior to be near to me and no matter how lonely I felt I felt my Savior’s tangible love comforting me as the scripture says in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you n...

There is power in your tongue, I know what it’s like to be told that “you are not good enough”, “you will never amount to anything”, “you are nothing but a sl@#” yes these are words that wounded my soul, the very core of my being, but I chose to rise up, I chose to believe something else about myself and that journey of me believing something better about myself was not easy… I believe there are many out there whose stories goes untold because someone else forgot the power of her story, I might be a bit biased in this writing today but I am so stirred in my spirit this morning that I need to be a bit biased! Woman /Girl I am talking to you this morning, you who have been down and out battered to the bone not of physical abuse but emotional and verbal abuse, inside of you there is a strong spirit that wants you to rise up and say “ENOUGH!” TODAY is the last day I will not take this anymore!! It has to end and it ENDS RIGHT NOW!! Woman/Girl I am talking to you, you who have been told...