Expressions of Myself

Awakened to love, awakened to unconditional love in the purest form. 13 days ago, I started a new journey, I was full of expectations, you know have a checklist ready of what you want out of something and making sure that you get what you have “paid for” that was my thinking right, then I got blown away, I started this journey unsure of myself, not knowing who I am anymore, being pulled here and there doing what people wanted me to do and it all seemed OK at that time when I just “went with the flow of things”. No doubt I loved serving people making a difference and that validated me in some bizarre way, but when I stepped into that training room full of strangers not knowing anyone I made a promise to myself that I will give 100% and I will just be me, the Zenneline I know. I instantly connected with someone and I just trusted my unconscious mind all the way, I received the most amazing love from all of the people in the room and we built Rapport instantly and it was amazing, no exp...

I always heard this word in the context of work, jobs skills development etc, but then I heard another instance of empowerment, taking control of your life and of your behavior, accepting your state at that moment and knowing that it determines your behavior, never have I thought so much hangs on your state, when I came to understand this whole concept I was very surprised at what a bad influence I have been in my choices that I made due to the state I was in as that was reflected in my behavior, Empowerment is a powerful word and when you are empowered you are in control, what you believe deep down inside of yourself gets fired up because now you want to make things work for the better take the best moments and learning’s from your past choices and have them serve you toward that which you are striving for towards a better life a better future. Empowerment, I love that word, you are only empowered when you decide to take a stand, only when you decide to take control and change thing...

If you had been disappointed by someone’s behavior towards you at a time when you felt that you really, really needed that specific person to be there for you, would you resolve the issues the first opportunity you get to be in that person’s company and share how you feel regardless of the outcome or response of the other person?  OR would you just leave it and carry on as if that moment didn’t happen. However your view of this person went from a 10 to a 4 and you might not now be able to let’s say have the same friendship/relationship as before you needed them. I am just trying to get some clarity for myself, I have agreed to meet up with someone that indeed has disappointed me and I am a bit scared of my response to that person, because of my anger that still resides inside. This was a scenario I sketched to a close friend of mine to get clarity for myself on a decision I had to make. He then told me this,   “Courage is the desire to maintain our integrity when it’s easier t...

I have not written in a long time and it has indeed been on my mental “to-do list”, so today I decided it’s time to let the creative juices flow. I have been experiencing an immense loneliness, you the kind of loneliness that you don’t understand is happening to you as you are always there when others need you, but when you need others they are just no where to be found, I wrestle with God about this all the time. And I clearly hear His voice reminding me of how I am not alone, and that He is always there. Wanting to live up to my significant other’s expectations has certainly been on my top priority over the years (being married 7 years) I have been trying hard to be the one who he wanted me to be, leaving me empty feeling like I am chasing after nothing, and the deeds being done had no substance, allow me to share my inner most with you and my prayer is that you will be blessed by my findings. You see we all seek some kind of approval and we don’t get from the most important people w...

I have been thinking of this notion where one just settle for the norm, settle for mediocre, mediocre simply means of ordinary or moderate quality, neither good nor bad; barely adequate in other words not making it, so why is it that we settle for “mediocre” when we are called to be much more than that, we are more than over comers, yet we stay in our “comfort” because we are scared of stepping into the unknown, scared to not be in control, why do we wreck our brains over being in control? We are not meant to be in control that is God's territory, all He wants us to do is follow His ways and leave the rest up to Him. He has already worked things out for us the bible says that “he knew us even before we were formed in our mother’s wombs”, if He knew that why can’t we just give Him the benefit of the doubt? I know because we feel inadequate of this crazy indescribable love He has for us that is explained right through the Bible. There is one quote that is so near and dear to my heart...

So right about now I am raw with emotion, emotion of failure but yet it’s not failure, yesterday I had the opportunity of going to pass out for my Driver’s license and you know I didn’t make it however God swung things around so quickly and allowed me to take a deep breath, yes I cried for a few minutes, I had two strangers with me but they really were my two angels that God loaned to me in my time of need, my goal was not accomplish but it’s not the right time, you see I could carry on and have a pity party and beat myself up over it all, but I didn’t!! I went to the Driver’s appointment, I started out right but yesterday was not my day, I get the feeling that all I had to do yesterday was scope out the territory, see what I am up against because next time around I am so going to be prepared reminds me of the story of Nehemiah in chapter 2:1-10 Where he went to check out the area where they were to rebuild the wall and he then had a better idea of how to go about it all, he was busy p...

I  wrote this on the16-03-2010 it is basically a continuation of the previous blog just thought I would share this too, enjoy!! Today I am so feeling the Holy Spirit and I am doing so much reflection on my life and my walk with God, at times I do feel as if I am lukewarm because the little I do is little in my eyes but it does at times make a huge impact unbeknown to me. Have you ever felt that you are the one doing all the things where friendships are concern? I do and I still feel like it daily but at times it does drain me and then I need to do some spring cleaning in my friendship cupboard it’s hard hey! Sometimes I get to a point where I feel that I am more reliant on my friendships than my friends because it feels like they are my sound board and I just bounce stuff off them, funny, but true. Ever had a conversation with someone and you ask a question and then you end up answering the question isn’t it weird?  That happens to me all the time; I g...

They say you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends, which brought on this thought, I have had to let go of friendships which was one draining, abusive(when I say abusive I mean, friends that abuse your time with their drama and all they can talk about is there drama and you just have to listen, mind you I have been a friend like that who just carried on talking about my life and how my life is messed up and how I want my life to change, sad to say I was extremely selfish at one point) that is of course before I knew that I can control what I say and what I let in my ears, now we all need friends, yes we do, but we need to be alert and we need to really choose our friendships wisely, to me a true friend is someone who knows your heart and not just you, a true friend is someone who will be there when you need them and tell you what is right regardless of how you are feeling emotionally because they want the best for you. Since I have cleared out my friendship cupboard ...

I have been doing quite a lot of reflection in my life and also closing doors that were not good for me and it is at times easier to fall back in habit than to follow through and do what is right, but then I am reminded of the scripture “Obedience is better than sacrifice”, I don’t know if you have ever heard about Francis Chan a pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, South California, I have been listening and watching a lot of his video pod casts and   audio’s and I have been taken of a journey of self discovery, this man is such an awesome man of God and he speaks the truth of God as it stands in the Bible and it is so real. One of his quotes that has had me thinking was this: "I believe He wants us to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them." Francis Chan When I was reading this I was thinking of the scripture that says “Love your neighbor as yourself” and I realized that to love my neighbor as myself I would have had to gone through a process where...

I have been thinking alot, alot about these two words "second chances", who deserves a second chance and what does this second chance mean, second chance in life second chance in making a relationship work, second chance to do your job the best way you can, second chance to give your best in everything you do, but how practical and achievable is it? Pretty easy I would say given the chance of course, cause what happens when  you are not going to be given a second chance at a relationship? what happens when you don't get the second chance you have been praying for? what happens when you only have this one chance right now, to make your life anew, to start afresh and call this your "second best chance", I can deal with that!! So here is the deal how much do you want a second chance, first and foremost if you want it bad enough you will go after it with all that you are and you will not, I repeat you will not let anything or anyone get in your way, becaus...