Expressions of Myself

I have three assignments to do and then I am done for this year's leg of assignments in about a months time I start with my final exams for this year. This morning God took me to an email I received from Unisa in May 2014 where it says that “admission granted”.  I Matriculated in 2001, I was declined by many Universities and at that time I wanted to either become a Chartered Accountant or an Accounting Teacher. Well I was not accepted by any University because my marks didn't  cut it. I did study after school because I received a 50% bursary from Standford Business College and I did a year Diploma in Business Administration. I passed top of the Class in 2002. Fast forward to 2014 I finally got admission to study for a Bachelors Degree, not just any degree but a Bachelors Degree in Education.   At the age of 31 , being a wife  and mother of three , and working full time. As I am writing this blog, I am in tears because God reminded me of His hand over my l...

I met Simone Thomas at the first Cape Town Natural Hair Festival  in December  I bought one of her tank tops the red one (check picture). First of all, Simone has no idea I am writing this, secondly I am sharing my experience and what has happened since I have attended the first and second KroesRocks Hookup. The very first lesson I learned from the first KroesRocks Hookup in May was the power of having an accountability partner, someone who will keep you accountable for your goals long after your “lus” for it all has disappeared, this powerful story about accountability was shared by Vrishni Pillay who shared a very raw and beautiful  part of her life and how she had to deal with a difficult time in her life. She is hands down a WARRIOR in my eyes. My best friend Bianca and I made an agreement that we will follow through with a few things and keep each other accountable and it has been a wonderful experience as we got to keep our commitments made to ourselves...

God gave me a Word last week and without me being aware He orchestrated for me to deliver it in Church yesterday. Not me, He delivered the Word through me.  I would also like to share this Word on this platform as I feel it is one that is so relevant at this time. So I ask you the question "Who is seated at your table?" scripture reading John 12:1-8  Look around you. Who are the people you spend your time with? Who are the people you give your time to? Do they add value or do they subtract? Who is sitting at your table and the thought I got was “Who do we allow in our inner circle?” God’s Word came to me and said Daughter when last did you really examine the people around you? The people who you think you can trust. Who is at your table? Are they truly for you? Or have you just become so used to the people around you thinking they are for you but they are actually not. We often allow people at our tables out of fear of losing them however God sa...

What on earth are we birthing when we are always wanting to “by pass” everything? Yes trials and tribulations are daunting and they exhaust us however the lessons we learn in the midst of our trials are so invaluable why would we want to by pass anything? This morning I feel like shouting “STOP TRYING TO BY PASS EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE!!” JUST FREAKEN STOP IT!! Lately I am learning that everyone is interested in the mountain top experiences where success is the order of the day, everything is good and everyone is HAPPY. We jump from one place of being okay to the next place of being OKAY. We are not born to live an “OKAY” life. It seems too much work to actually get to the root causes of our issues, yet that is exactly what we need to do. In order for things to change the root must be plucked out so that there is room for new to be established. Do we actually deal with the why’s? Of things,  no we don’t because we have been conditioned to “cope” and so we don’t deal ...

I learned a valuable lesson years ago about the power of gratitude and there is also a scripture in the Bible that encourages one to be thankful about everything. I think that when we start to make a conscious decision to be thankful in all circumstances we learn to automatically not take things for granted. I also read Ann Voskamp's book 1000 Gifts and this book actually impacted my life greatly. After reading it I started making lists of things I am thankful for and now I literally thank everyone for everything...sometimes I think I get over the top however it's my way of showing appreciation and also my way of showing that I don't take things for granted. I was looking for a particular picture that I was going to use and write a blog about as I reflect today however I just can't seem to find one that would describe fully of what I was going through at the time instead I found many smiley pics of myself. I also learned something about myself lately that was really...

Such truth in this picture. I saw this picture message on a page I follow on Facebook and it made me think and reflect and I shared it on my page but I didn't elaborate at the time because I was still filled with negative emotions. Then this morning a friend of mine shared it on her page and these are my thoughts about this and I am referring to friendships/relationships with family and just relationships in general. So please allow me to express myself.. What is most difficult to comprehend is that we allow people to have so much space in our lives and they give so little of their time to us...It hurts immensely when you know how committed you are to certain friendships/relationships and you get absolutely the bare minimum and that fact is what is making me walk away from many. Zainonesha had this to say about it " So true...then one has to settle with lame excuses as if our lives are depending on it. Be Honest I would say" Yes I understand that we are all in dif...

I love what this day means to us as South Africans. It's a beautiful thing to take 67 minutes out of our day to serve others. I am also so aware that making a difference is an on going thing , it's a daily choice to serve others and do good. May I ask that in the spirit of serving today and not to lose the beauty of what this day means, perhaps also take 67 minutes to serve yourself, not in an arrogant fashion but bearing in mind that we cannot serve from an empty cup, as much as we all love to serve others we more often than not forget that we also are in need of care. We often deplete ourselves to a point of self destruction... What would happen if you find that one thing that has always refreshed your soul and do it, fill your cup so that you are able to serve others in a healthy way. So that you are able to serve from a place of emotional wealth. Take some much need time today or any other day to spend with yourself , spend time just listening to what God wants to s...

These messages this week has really been speaking to my soul and having me reflect and realize that YES finally after all the "stuff" that I had to work through and emotions that I have had to process over a period of YEARS. Yes YEARS 'CAUSE IT SIMPLY ISN'T THAT EASY. I can without a doubt say that... I am HAPPY , Happy about ME, Happy about my life, HAPPY that I had to let a whole lot of people go in order for ME to immerse!! Thank You Lord!! I learned in this time that not everyone that I have encountered in my life will stay, some will leave because their season has ended in my life and I have learned that I will be OKAY without them. I am now in a better place and the best decision I have made was to fall in-love with myself, love myself, take care of myself and speak up for myself. I am HAPPY!!

It’s mid June and I am still busy!! From preparing for exams before May, to adjusting again because exams were postponed by two more weeks and so I could get some orders done. In the midst of it all I tried hard to NOT take knitting orders however I failed dismally always pushing to get the next order out and keeping my customers happy. However as much as I love studying and knitting it can get to me immensely and then I just leave everything. I have my tantrum for a day and the next day I am ready to get a move on because life doesn’t stand still it’s constantly moving from one thing to another and orders still needs to be delivered! Yesterday I felt so despondent because I have been challenged by two of my daughters and their behavior towards me of late and I just felt like breaking down and crying because the more I ask them to do things that they know they are to do , the more they are just non-responsive to me and I lost it. Yes I lost it! My commonness came out a...

About a month and a bit ago I was asked by a friend Gerald if I knitted scarves as well and initially I thought he was inquiring about himself and I then tagged him in a few Neckwarmer pics that I have made before however he was not inquiring for himself he was however inquiring about 50 scarves for homeless people. Initially I was a bit apprehensive and I told him I will pray about it and get back to him. However prior to him asking me about this project I had already been seeking God about something I wanted t o do and Gerald’s ministry would benefit from it however I only shared this with Gerald once we had agreed to me making the 50 scarves. After I said yes I was like Lord “HOW?” How am I going to make these scarves and on top of it I need to study to prepare for exams. That is when I asked Gerald what is my time frame and he said “Mid June” and I was like “OK”.  I did tell him that I am in the midst of my exams. Soon after that my Mom said she will donate 10 scarves ...

I started my natural hair journey started way before in 2009 however in 2012 when my hair started falling out after I gave birth to our last born Sai. I couldn't understand the hair loss and one day I just decided to cut off all.my hair to kinda even it out. I then went to a hairdresser to have it shaped and I have never looked back. I loved how my hair curled naturally and I began to embrace my new found natural hair. Although I stopped straightening my hair I still did some heat styling here and there.but for the most part I just did the "wash and go". I used conditioner for my hair and nothing else. So from 2012 - mid 2016 conditioner was my styling product. I didn't even know that Aunty Jackie's existed. A lady named Gillian Joy Titus introduced me to the Cape Town Naturally group and that same lady told me about Aunty Jackie's and since that time I have been exploring with product. I have also since tried Curl Chemistry for my hair and my...

While I pride myself in being a Mom, a nurturer and everything that goes with it, I have been feeling much like a failure of late. My girls (especially the middle one and the eldest one) have been struggling in their schoolwork not the understanding of the work but the self discipline that goes with making progress at school. A week ago I sat on one of the benches at the station and just managing to at that time (7am ) of the morning to write notes to teachers in message books as I had kept the girls at home the previous Friday because I forgot to do it the night before. As I went from one message book t o the next I opened the last one that was my middle daughter’s and here two warnings and a nice message from her teacher stared at me. As I proceeded to read the note I was filled with anger and much disappointment... I completely became one of those ladies that just let it “rip” on the train station and yes the “nasty” mom came out you know the one where you switch to Afrik...

Just do YOU. No apologies , no explanation the environment around you will adjust ;). Some powerful words spoken to me... We gotta learn to let things GO! Someone said something to offend you, Let it GO, someone did something you didn't expect and it hurt you in the process, let it GO. Something happened you had no control over, let it GO! I am speaking to myself here. I have been dealing with a lot of things happening to me and my family all at once and some of it made me angry, some of it made me to become weary of letting new people in and also to trust people in general. However the stuff happened and I had to find a way to deal with it. Sometimes I dealt with it poorly and sometimes I just literally didn't spend much time fretting over it. I believe myself to be a problem-solver and I really want to fix things if I can, if I can't I will find a way to do so. I have been in a state of anger for a while and last week Sunday at church the Pastor reminded me of how J...

Exams season is upon me and many other UNISA students and this is the time of the year I literally live off black coffee (as many as I can take in for the day), less hours of sleep because I really need to get a lot of content into my brain and the numb feeling in my head of information overload. While this seems to look and feel like a never ending story, I am particularly excited about this exams. This would be my third last exam and that means I will have another two exams left before I graduate and I get capped as an Educator!! How EXCITING is that? I am bursting at my seams because I have been working so hard and for the most part I have disciplined myself in not having a social life. Being a Wife, Mother and a full time working woman I have had to learn the art of managing my time effectively . It was not easy in the beginning because obviously as you try to carve out a new habit one or two things will fall by the way side however I have learned quite a few things about mys...

Today I am so in awe of God. I looked at our daughter Sai and the question that was looming in my mind was "Lord, where has the time gone?". Things has changed so much for us in the last few months and I constantly feel that I am in transition mode and it is a never ending story.  Last month it was school applications and today she has an interview for her new school next year. While I was brushing her hair this morning I was filled with a sense of gratitude because she is such a fighter. She faced battles from the day she was born and she thrived through it all. All my kids have a special place in my heart however Sai is the one whom I had the most amazing time with to bond. She was born premature and I spent two months doing Kangaroo Mother Care. This was a time where I had many feelings of inadequacy cropping up for me. I felt that I wasn't doing enough in terms of expressing. For those who didn't know when a baby is premature you must breastfeed on demand and ...

I often feel like I am constantly fighting battles if not for myself, for my children, if not for them it's for my marriage, if not for my marriage it's for relationships whether with friends or family. I find myself constantly fighting something and for the most part of my life I have been fighting to get my voice heard because for a long time I felt that no one is listening to me, so I am constantly fighting to make my voice heard. Stay with me... As the years went particularly for the last four years I have embarked on a journey to get to know myself. I learned to love myself,  I learned to set my own standards, basically asking questions what I stood for, I learned to speak up. I found my voice. It's a constant battle with "self" to choose to be better than the day before. I am the third child and everyone know that the middle child is always looking for attention and always feel left out etc. Well ofcourse I would deny it because that's not true, r...

After having a week from "hell" last week. I woke up Friday morning and my back was aching and my neck was somewhat stiff. My chest was tight and I ended up staying home. Then I took pain meds and I slept for most of my Friday. I also decoded to switch my phone off and just be "unplugged" for the day. That was the plan... I lasted for the maximum two hours trying to be "unplugged"  (It's not as easy as it sounds, hey!)  however what I noticed when I did switch my phone back on was that there was no messages. I think it was because my intention was put out there and I said "Lord, I do not want anyone to message me today." And low and behold no one did! I took this past weekend to get back on track with my daughters. Friday was MY day call it "PJ DAY" (I did absolutely nothing except knitting). Saturday morning I woke up and my five year old daughter Sai , is the first one up after me and I decided to just lay with her. I made...